All week I have been planning to use the time while Lily and Thomas were at school to catch up on my blogging. I know that I haven't posted their first days of school or anything else. But, I am not going to get that done today. I promise to try my best next week.
Every day this week has hit me harder and harder as we approach the one year anniversary of Asa's death. I honestly did not anticipate the crazy strong sense of loss I am experiencing all over again. It has hit me like a ton of bricks - and the best word I can think to describe it is overwhelming. I notice any quiet times are filled with memories and thoughts of Asa. I must admit, it has been great to have these thoughts so fresh and close. I am grateful that I can still remember his voice when I would call Mom and he would always answer with "Hey, BoBo! How's my girl?" I can still hear his laugh, especially when I think of how he would react when one of the kids do something I think is egregious, but he would find precious and age-appropriate. I can still see Asa and his cute walk when I think really hard.
I know some of this comes from the one-year anniversary, but some it comes from the start of football season. I truly miss talking UGA football with Asa. It was such a blessing to sit in on a Jeremy/Asa chat before a game, after a game, and during our half-time meet-ups some games. Mom said last season, that she would still sit and wait for the phone to ring after a big UGA play - expecting Asa to be calling her whoopin' and hollerin', as he would say.
I am overwhelmed by the fact that my memories are so vivid, but he is still indeed gone. Somedays they are so fresh that you can almost expect him to still be on this earth with us. I love that my children still ask God to "tell Papa in heaven Hi for me", and that Lily asks God to "tell Papa that I'm three now." That precious thought often gets me through the feeling of loss, too. I honestly hope our God is one that lets those in heaven look down and still experience the good times with us. Wouldn't that be wonderful for those of left behind?
It baffles me that the Thursday night USC game last year Asa was mostly sleeping, but waking up to visit with the people at the house some, too. Some funny things his poor, confused brain spit out....as a rather large ref came across the screen, he said "Wow! Spurrier sure looks different!" Ha! (That is for you, my USC friends.) He also didn't think there were any refs, and wondered why they played football so differently - it certainly wasn't like how they played when he was growing up.
I have been sitting here all morning, reflecting on this Friday a year ago. I was driving (partly flying) to Augusta with the kids in the backseat, trying my best to make it to Augusta to say goodbye one last time before Asa took his last breath. Blessfully, Lily was sick and slept the entire way....Thomas was quiet and reading books....Jeremy was on a business trip to Dalton....I did not get a ticket....I did not wreck while constantly texting between Kim and my amazingly prayerful friends in Florence....my shirt was soaked with tears....I could barely speak to ask Shawn and Lindsey to meet me to get the kids....and my heart was breaking! I did make it home to see my second father of 19 years one more time before he passed away, and I am so grateful that I got to be there.
I am also overwhelmed by my precious friends who surprised me with beautiful flowers yesterday. Flowers were definitely one of Asa's favorite gifts to give, so they mean that much more to me today. It amazes me the close ties that were formed through Asa's illness - Paola and Lia, if you're reading this, I do see the ties we have through cancer, healing, and loss as a huge catalyst for our strong relationships.
Asa Daniel was an amazing man. He was human, and not a perfect person, but he was the perfect fit for our little corner of the world. He touched so many lives, gave abundantly and constantly, loved the Dawgs, and had a hearty laugh that I hope never leaves my memory!
Sorry for the rambling post, but I guess I will sum it up by saying I am overwhelmed - in good ways and bad.
We love you so much, Asa/Papa!
I have attached some links to previous posts if you want to see more Asa pictures, and read some more about him. Or just click on the blue "Asa" at the end of the post, and it will bring them all up - plus a couple more.
http://thomasandlily.blogspot.com/2009/09/jeremys-words-for-asa.html
http://thomasandlily.blogspot.com/2009/05/g-day-game-with-papa.html
http://thomasandlily.blogspot.com/2009/01/from-mouths-of-babes.html
